“I think you’re so badass, just so you know.”
My friend and pseudo-daughter texted me after we had a brief visit. I am her three-year-old son's fairy godmother, and I learned she is expecting another boy in February. I’m so happy for her and her husband. They are an amazing young couple who have overcome and continue to work on their life challenges, traumas, and difficulties. They are beautiful parents raising a creative and beautiful child who will soon have a baby brother. My heart is filled with joy for them.
When she texted the above message to me, I thought, “What exactly is a badass?” Is it the dictionary definition of someone tough, uncompromising, intimidating, and formidable? Because I don’t feel that I am intimidating and formidable. However, as I write this, I am reminded of a conversation with one of my classmates at the University of Texas who told me I came across as aloof and intimidating, unapproachable.
That was then. I was more introverted then. Lacking confidence. I dressed well and wore makeup and walked around campus in high heels. When she told me that I laughed because I was the least intimidating person I knew and yet that is how my insecurity appeared to her. So, what now, made my young friend say I was a badass? Was it my bravery? My leap of faith to live alone, write, and make my way in Santa Fe?
Bad ass.
Over time, the term has instead come to mean strong, confident and bold … one who knows their own mind, does what they want. A person whose attitudes, behavior and/or appearance are admirable.
A Psychology Today article on the subject matter extols: “a real badass is driven by values such as responsibility, justice, honor, courage, compassion, humility, integrity, and selflessness” … “someone who stands up for the weak and oppressed, speaks the truth, and calls out those who lie …”
It’s all about authenticity, empathy, and transparency. It’s practicing what you preach. Doing things fairly and balanced. And following through on one’s commitments.
The definition of a true badass is one who is respected, courageous, humble, charismatic, and has a burning passion for their dreams and goals.
In her book, You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, Jen Sincero writes:
“… If you base your self-worth on what everyone else thinks of you, you hand all your power over to other people and become dependent on a source outside of yourself for validation. Then you wind up chasing after something you have no control over, and should that something suddenly place its focus somewhere else, or change its mind and decide you’re no longer very interesting, you end up with a full-blown identity crisis.”
I’ve repeatedly had a full-blown identity crisis, spending most of my life basing my self-worth on what other's think of me. My parents, my sibling, my family, my church, my classmates, (beginning with a little red-headed girl in kindergarten), Sorority sisters, my teachers and professors, my bosses and coworkers, my husband and children. I want to please people. I want to look good in their eyes. My ego wants to be admired. It wants the comments and attention. It wants the A’s and the acknowledgment in front of the class. It wants to read the role of Juliet in English class. But inevitably the attention goes somewhere else. Teachers encourage most of their students. The paper wasn’t great. The grade is a C. The writing misses the mark. I make mistakes. And living my life for other people brings more and more self-doubt. Who am I? What do I want? How do I love myself and my own worth?
“If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse,” Sincero writes. It’s true. Until you are serious, there are only excuses. Until you value yourself more than anyone else, you will just stay as you are.
Being a bad ass doesn’t mean you get it right every time. Being a badass doesn’t mean you’re perfect and everyone likes you. Being a badass means you are ok that it is not perfect, that you are willing to go forward and live your life for yourself and be who you are, even if it hurts, disappoints, and lets down others. It means beginning to figure out who I am today, however, It may not be who I am tomorrow. Just as a river is never the same, it flows, ebbs, crests, dries out, floods, hangs on for dear life during a drought, so are we. Sometimes we are too much and sometimes we are not enough, and that’s ok.
I am an admirer of David Yarrow and his photography, which is why I included one of his recent images above. David Yarrow is a badass. He’s smart, funny, kind, and a brilliant photographer who has put in a lifetime mastering his craft. He’s a creator and a risk taker. He’s demanding, expecting greatness from everyone in his orbit. One must surround themselves with greatness to be great. This year I’ve had the privilege to work with him as an extra on a photoshoot, interview him twice via telephone, and listen to his talks at Sorrel Sky Galleries. He wrote this about the image above.
I had long deliberated over building a bar marooned in the middle of the desert. Not just a two-dimensional facade of a bar, but an actual functioning bar, with lights, cooling machines and entertainment.
I confess that there was quite a bit of talking to myself about the risk reward ratio and I became all to mindful of Walt Disney’s famous advice of “stop talking and start doing”. I like to have creative courage and be bold.
So, I threw my fears away and we built our bar in the desert. It is so damn good that we are going to keep it there for tourists to visit and perhaps have a cold Namibian lager. It was not a small building job and six lorries full of wood and corrugated iron made the eight-hour trip south from Windhoek. I have never worked with a more willing bunch of people in my life than the Namibian production team and they had earned the right to be very proud of The Desert Inn. David Yarrow
Being a badass is about taking action. It’s about facing ones fears and moving forward anyway. It’s about authenticity and responsibility and doing the best work one can in the moment.
So, yes, my friends. I am a badass.